I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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