ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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