no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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