...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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