dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
