areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
