I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
