It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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