Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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