there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
