My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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