I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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