I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
