Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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