I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
