He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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