I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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