If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
