i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
