well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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