My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
