That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
