Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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