do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
