Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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