Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
