wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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