Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
