so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
