I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
