She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
