Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
