im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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