i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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