I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
