Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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