i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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