I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
