So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
