at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
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if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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