I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
