theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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