If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
