He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
