So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
