When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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