I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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