Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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