I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
