i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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