Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
