Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The power of my boobs compel you
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
