Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
