I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
