Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So much rum. So many feels.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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