He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
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i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
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I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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