you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
