And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
