hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
