can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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