I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
