trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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