We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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