She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
