Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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