you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
