I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
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He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
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I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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