we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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