just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
