We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
3pm strippers are depressing
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
