I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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