I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
