Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
