That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Found the puke drawer
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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