Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
a search helicopter?!
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
