the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
