we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
