Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
