god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
